Sam and Thomas had been business partners for the past 50 years. They were in the wholesale clothing business and lately business was not as glorious as it had been. They had recently bought 400 polka dot dresses and no one seemed the slightest bit interested in them.

After holding on to the dresses for almost a year, the two had piratically given up hope on them, when a middle aged women walked into their showroom.

After seeing the dresses she was so excited about the polka dot design that she wanted to purchase all 400 dresses on the spot.

Totally elated, Sam tried to play it cool and negotiated a great price with the women. When they were just about ready to close the deal she mentioned the she would need to get approval by her boss before continuing.

Being that it was close to the end of the day, she said she would phone them by 9:30 the next morning if there was a problem. Otherwise the deal would be on. After a sleepless night, Sam and Thomas stood anxiously by the phone the next day. At 9:28 the phone rang and Thomas breathlessly answered the call while Sam waited anxiously. “Good news!” Said Thomas. “It was your wife saying your mom just died!”

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Always self conscious of his lack of ears, whenever Bob would interview a future employee, he would as him “what do you notice different about me?”. If the employee would mention his lack of ears (which often they did), it would be a for sure “no” for the job. However if the employee would mention something else, he would hire the guy.

One year, at the yearly Holiday business party, Bob approached his most recent hireling and asked him if he remembered the last question he had asked him when interviewing him for the job. “Sure I do” was his reply. “You asked me what was different about you and I said that you were wearing contact lenses.” “Of all things to answer”, Bob questioned curiously, “why was that the thing you noticed?” “Well, to be honest, it was quite simple. How could you possibly be wearing glasses if you don’t have any ears!”

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“So, Jimmy”, said Grandpa, as they stood on line at the local grocery store.  “What did you learn in school today?”  “To tell you the truth”, answered young Jimmy, “I’m not exactly sure”.  “My teacher was going on and on about something called ethics, and I still don’t know what she was talking about!”  Jimmy replied.

“Ah, ethics” responded Grandpa, “very important indeed”.  “Well, let’s say the cashier gives me back too much change, ethics would be whether I keep the change for myself, or if I give it back to Grandma!”

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“I just can’t take it anymore” cried Larry to his Priest. “No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to put bread on the table!”

“Larry, listen closely to what I am going to tell you” said the Priest. “Go to a quiet place outdoors where you can spend some time with the Lord. Sit down with the Bible in front of you and let the wind turn the pages. Close your eyes and think about the Lord. When you open your eyes, see what page the Bible is opened to, and there you will find your message.”

Three months later the Priest was walking up the church steps when he spotted Larry speeding by in a brand new Lexus. “Larry!” screamed the priest incredulously. “What happened? Let me hear your story!”

“Well,” said Larry “it was just as you said. I sat in a quiet place, closed my eyes, and when I opened them the answer was right in front of me. It was opened to Chapter 11!”

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“Frank Smith,” announced the judge, “for breaking into a house in the middle of the night, I sentence you to two year in prison.”
“But your honor,” pleaded Smith, “last time I was in court you sentenced me to a year in jail for breaking into a house in the day! If not in the middle of the night, and not in the middle of the day, just when am I supposed to earn my living?”

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