A man named Marty called his son. “Harry I have news to tell you, I know it’s going to upset you but I have made up my mind and there is nothing you can do about it. I have decided to divorce your mother.” “But dad how can that be “the son asked “you have been married for 40 years, and you always seemed to get along? What happened suddenly?” “Son, I have made up my mind, and I don’t want you to try to convince me out of it.” “OK” the son responded “but promise me you won’t do anything until I come and talk to you in person, and I am going to ask all of the siblings to fly in also.”Alright” said the father hanging up “you have my word. “Well” said Marty, turning to his wife “I got them all to come in and I didn’t even have to pay for the tickets.”
Blog Archives
Enjoy our collection of clever jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!
The Annoying Duck Joke
A duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “do you have any grapes?” “Nope” responded the bartender, “try somewhere else.” The duck walks out and back in, “do you sell grapes?” “I told you already I don’t” responded the bartender, “stop bothering me.” The duck walks back out and then back in again, “stop right where you are” the bartender screams “you ask me again if I have grapes I will take a hammer and nail your feet to the floor.” The duck walks out and then back in again, “do you sell nails?” he asks “No” responded the bartender.” “Do you sell grapes????“
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Cereal Box Joke
One morning I saw my husband in the pantry trying to decide between two different types of cereals. “Maybe you should take half a bowl of each”, I said jokingly. “Wow,” he said with a smile, “you really thing out of the box“
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Teachers Gotta Be Smart
There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so please have a seat and take out a piece of paper. “Now for the first question, which tire was flat!”
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The Bathroom Joke
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. All of them board the train.The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was a clever idea.So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money .When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”
