A lady noticed an old happy man sitting on his porch. “Excuse me” she said “I just couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. Tell me, what is the secret to your long happy life.”
“Well, the man responded, “I eat fatty foods, never exercise. I also smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, and drink about a case of whiskey a week”
“Wow” the women said “and how old are you?”
“Twenty eight”, he said!
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“My memory is gone Mildred, so I changed my password
to “Incorrect.” That way when I log in with the wrong password,
the computer will tell me… “Your password is incorrect.”
Â
The Secret To A Happy Life Joke
Posted in Old People Jokes
It’s Never Too Late
Two oldies got engaged, and as they were strolling down the street excitedly planning there wedding they passed a drugstore. “Excuse me” the man said to the clerk, “Do you sell medicine for memory problems?” “Sure” replied the clerk “all kinds.” “How about for arthritis?” “Yup” replied the clerk. “Wheelchairs, walkers, adult diapers?” “Yeah”, replied the clerk, all kinds. “OK excellent” said the man “because we are getting married next month, and we want to use you as our Bridal Registry.” -Azi Deutch
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Posted in Long Jokes, Old People Jokes
Whoops!
I ran into a store leaving my elderly mother in the car. I was surprised when at the cashier I saw my mother there. What are you doing here I asked I left the car running? Don’t worry she said I locked the doors!
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Posted in Old People Jokes
Old… Older… Oldest
Reporter-So whats the best thing about being 100?
Old Lady-No peer pressure.
– Sylvia Shiner
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Posted in Old People Jokes
Memory Problems Joke
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time. One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife. “Really?”, one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?” “Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned. “Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed. Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”
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Can You Hear Me??????
An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “honey whats for supper?”
She replies “For the fourth time it’s lasagna!”
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Posted in Funny Speech Openers, Good Jokes, Husband Jokes, Long Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Old People Jokes
Where Did I put My Teeth?
Two old ladies were discussing their husbands over tea. “I wish that my Robert would stop biting his nails. It gets me very upset.
“My Calvin used to do the same thing,” the older woman replied. “But I broke him of the habit.”
“How?” the first women asked
“I hid his teeth.”
=
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