John angrily looked at the text he had just received from his Mom.  It read: “Professor called to say you failed the course.  LOL.  Mom. ”  How could he have failed?! … And all his Mom has to say is that she’s Laughing Out Loud?!  Fed up, he text-ed his Mom: “What was up with the LOL?”  his text said.  “I just wanted to send you Lot’s Of Love because I know how disappointed you must be.”
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Ever think about this one? Why is it accepted to make jokes about old people? Isn’t it racism? The discernible, answer is, that the same way nobody gets insulted when people make jokes in their own society, [because they obviously don’t mean to be vicious or hurtful], when it comes to jokes about oldies, which we all hope to be one day, obviously nobody means to be degrading. So please revel in our hilarious collection of old people jokes.
photo credit: jesuslizrd
Take Turns Joke
While working the lunch shift at a local restaurant, I watched as an elderly couple ate. It seemed as if the man was the only one eating. First his appetizer, then his main, and then finally his dessert. All the while with his wife just looking on, not even touching her food. Confused, I approached the woman and asked if there was anything I could get for her. “No thank you,” came her answer, “it’s his turn for the teeth.”
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Posted in Old People Jokes
Death Preparation Joke
Barry and Hannah, an old married couple,  are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death etc. “Honey,” says Barry, turning to his wife with a serious expression, “I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to  put an end to it.” “No problem hun,” said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain.
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Enjoy Life Joke
Sam goes to the doctor for his yearly checkup. “Everything is fine”, said the doctor, “You’re doing OK for your age.” “For my age?” questioned Sam, “I’m only 75, do you think I’ll make it to 80? “Well” said the doctor, “do you drink or smoke?” “No” Sam replied. “Do you eat fatty meat or sweets?” “No” said Sam “I am very careful about what I eat.” “How about your activities? Do you engage in thrilling behaviors like speeding or skiing? “No” said Sam taken aback, “I would never engage in dangerous activities.” “Well,” said the doctor, “then why in the world would you want to live to be 80?
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Posted in Doctor Jokes, Old People Jokes
Grandma Joke
Grandma Sally’s first great-grandchild was born and after a few weeks, when the parents need a break, she was given the job of watching her. “Let me see the little cutie,” begs her friend Gerty. “Not yet”, Sally responds. When she again refuses five minutes later Gerty has had enough “what are you waiting for?” she fumed. “I’m waiting for her to cry.” “Why is that?” questioned Gerty. “Well, because I forgot where I put her!”
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Posted in Old People Jokes
Cordless Phone Joke
Due to the fact that my elderly mother was constantly losing her cordless phone I bought her a phone with a clip. I was taken by surprise the next afternoon to find her standing in the kitchen holding her pants by her ear. “What are you staring at?” she snapped at me, “I couldn’t figure out how to undue this silly clip you bought me!”
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Posted in Old People Jokes
Hearing Aids Joke
“Hey Jim”, called Harry. “Check out my new hearing aids, they work so well, I could hear a pin drop!” “Really” asked Jim, that’s unbelievable, I am actually on the market for hearing aids, what type is it?” “Four a clock”, responded Harry.
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Posted in Old People Jokes
Alzheimer’s Joke
So this old man goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “You’re test
results came back and I’m afraid I have some bad news. You have Cancer
and you have Alzheimer’s”. The old man says, “That ain’t so bad, at
least I don’t have Cancer!”
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The Secret To A Happy Life Joke
A lady noticed an old happy man sitting on his porch. “Excuse me” she said “I just couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. Tell me, what is the secret to your long happy life.”
“Well, the man responded, “I eat fatty foods, never exercise. I also smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, and drink about a case of whiskey a week”
“Wow” the women said “and how old are you?”
“Twenty eight”, he said!
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Posted in Old People Jokes
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