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Enjoy our collection of people jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

Toilet Brush Joke

Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. “Lizzy!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?”

After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.

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Rating: 3.7/5 (407 votes cast)

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Posted in Clever Jokes, Funny Stories, Life Jokes, Women Jokes

High Fever Joke

My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor.

After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said, “so what would you say is bothering  you the most?”

Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered, “Billy, he always breaks my toys!”

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Rating: 3.5/5 (266 votes cast)

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Posted in Cute Jokes, Doctor Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Medical Jokes

Movie Joke

As the movie progressed I was getting more and more annoyed, WILL THEY EVER BE QUIET? I silently fumed. Finally after close to a half hour into the movie I tapped the blabbermouth  in front of me on the shoulder and politely said, “excuse me Ma’am but I can’t hear.”  “YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO!” she exclaimed, “THIS IS A CONFIDENTIAL DISCUSSION!”

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Rating: 3.4/5 (65 votes cast)

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Posted in Women Jokes
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Blonde Bar Joke

“Hey guys who wants to hear a blonde joke?” Said a blind old man after settling himself down on a stool in the bar. The question was met with dead silent After a few second pause, the bartender walked up to the blind fella and put his face right up to his nose and said in a deep menacing voice. “I’m blond and I don’t appreciate blonde jokes! My wife is right next to me, she’s blonde and she doesn’t either appreciate blonde jokes. And best of all, on your right is a blond bodybuilder who I’m pretty sure doesn’t like blonde jokes either! Would you still like to say that joke?”

“HELL NO!” Said the blind fella, “NOT IF I’M GOING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE DARN JOKE THAT MANY TIMES!

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Rating: 3.8/5 (217 votes cast)

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Posted in Blonde Jokes

Leftovers Joke

“Oh no! not leftovers again!” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper.

“Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we start eating I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal!”

“Thank you Lord for this delicious supper”, muttered my sister submissively “….again!”

 

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Rating: 2.2/5 (426 votes cast)

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Posted in Food Jokes, Funny Stories, People Jokes

Birth Control Joke

“Alright! I’ll drive them to the field trip tomorrow!” Sighed my neighbor resignedly. Sure enough the next day found her with a van full of  7 to 10 year olds.

Clearly distracted, my neighbor  cruised right through a stop sign, “Don’t you know how to stop?” Screamed the exasperated crossing guard, running towards the car.

My neighbor stopped her car, looked the crossing guard straight in the eye and said clearly upset, “what makes you think they are all mine?!”

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Rating: 3.1/5 (279 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Life Jokes, People Jokes

Too Much Talking Joke

Despite coming home too often disappointed, my son Adam had the habit of constantly going on blind dates.

“So how was it?” I asked, as he walked into the door a measly two hours after he had optimistically left.

“Well, lets put it this way” was his glib response, “she has the gift of speech, but unfortunately  without the gift of conversation!”

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Rating: 3.1/5 (57 votes cast)

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Posted in Women Jokes

Grandma Joke

“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” said the lady next to him on the plane.  “It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three!  It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what?  Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me.  Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable. Do you see his dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day.

Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone!  He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice “Hi Grandma!” It just gets me all teary eyed.”

After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much. “You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise!

Tell me..what do you think about my Grandson!”
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Rating: 2.4/5 (1256 votes cast)

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Posted in Airplane Jokes, Long Jokes, Old People Jokes, People Jokes, Women Jokes

Wife Insult Joke

“Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.”

“Well,” said Harry after looking her up and down, “There is one thing about you that still works as good as new.”

“Oh Harry!” said Mary sitting down next to her husband, “you always know just what to say! What are you referring to?”

“Never mind” said Harry looking down.

“C’mon Harry, please tell me what you were referring to.”

“Mary, please don’t make me.”

“Harry I insist.”

“Well I was going to remark about how your eyesight seems to be working just fine!”

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Rating: 3.8/5 (179 votes cast)

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Posted in Husband Wife Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Men Jokes, Wife Jokes

Losing Weight Joke

Although Barbara was very generous with her money, and did give away a lot of it to charity, she had one hangup. She refused to answer the door for solicitors. Instead she would have one of her maids answer the door and give a donation.

Given the circumstances, the maid was quite surprised to see, that after a man showed up at the door with the proclamation, “I haven’t eaten anything in two days”, that Barbara insisted on seeing him.

“What did she ask you?” The maid asked the confused looking man as he exited her office. “I don’t know what she was talking about”, he replied, “she wanted to know what my secret was.”

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Rating: 3.1/5 (45 votes cast)

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Posted in Women Jokes
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