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Enjoy our collection of really funny jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

Sleeping Pill Joke

“Excuse me sir,” said the man to one of the stewards on an Amtrak Train, “I always get nauseous when I go on trains, so I am going to to take a heavy sleeping pill, but please do whatever you can to make sure I get off when it stops in Baltimore. I really don’t want to miss my great aunt’s funeral.” “Sure thing!” said the steward happily, we’ll make you sure you get off!”

Six hours later the train stopped in Washington D.C. and the man jumped out of his seat in a panic, “WHAT THE HECK! I ASKED YOU TO WAKE ME UP IN BALTIMORE!”

“Oh boy! He looks mad!” Remarked the fellow behind him to his wife.

“Not half as mad as that other guy they carried off back in Baltimore.” She whispered back.

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Posted in Funny Stories, Life Jokes

Pregnancy Joke

Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels.  His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital.  Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor.   “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?”  The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?”  “SHIRLEY!”  Brian screamed on the top of his lungs,  “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!”

“And is this your first child?” Questioned the doctor. “NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”

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Posted in Doctor Jokes, Funny Stories, Hospital Jokes, Relationship Jokes

Rest Stop Joke

I was coming back from visiting my son in my Miami and I stopped at a rest stop to use the bathroom. I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine, “Hey! How’s it going?” Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing to the people next to me in the stall, I nevertheless answered him, “I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.”

“What are you doing?” Asked the same voice. To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered, “I’m releaving myself.”

Then I heard the same voice again, “I’m going to have to call you back, some smart-aleck is answering all of my questions.”
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Posted in Funny Stories
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High Five Video

Man tries to cheer up New York

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Posted in Funny Videos

10 Best Funny Puns

1. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
Runs in our jeans.
2. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor guy.
3. I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.
4. Why did the scarecrow get a raise?
He was outstanding in his field.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my Word.
7. My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.
8. What do you call a woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A tattoo.
9. I called a psychic once. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up.
10. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

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Posted in Cheesy Jokes, Funny Puns

Seeing Eye Dog Joke

A man and his wife were going for a stroll one night when they spotted what was obviously a blind man taking a walk on the other side of the street with his seeing eye dog.

“Wow! Isn’t that something!” remarked the wife, “look at that man taking a stroll just like us.”

They continued strolling for a few minutes longer when they heard the man let out a loud yelp. The dog had walked him right into a parked car and he had clearly banged his shin pretty hard. Rushing over to help, they were surprised to see the man reach into his pocket and pull out a treat for the dog.

“Isn’t that weird?” whispered the wife, “giving him a treat even when he’s mad.”

“Why are you giving him a treat?” questioned the husband.

“I AINT GIVING HIM A TREAT!” said the enraged man, “I’M JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT WHERE HIS HEAD IS, SO I CAN GIVE HIM A SHARP KICK IN THE BEHIND!

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Posted in Funny Stories, Pet Jokes

Funny Holdup Song

OMG this is priceless! A lady’s recounting of a holdup is turned into a song too funny!

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Posted in Funny Videos

Fatty Joke

There were no two ways about it.  Rosie was fat.  Very fat.  “Martha”, said Rosie to her best friend, “it was terrible what happened yesterday after the birthday party. You know how half of the birthday cake was left over? Well, I knew Bob would be fuming at me for eating it,with my diet and all, but I couldn’t help myself, it started with just a small nibble and before I knew it the whole cake was gone!.”

“Oh my!” clucked Martha, “was Bob really upset?”

“He never found it”, responded Rosie with a full double chin smile, “I just baked another cake and ate half of it!”

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Posted in Funny Stories, Husband Wife Jokes, Life Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Women Jokes

Tip Of The Iceberg Joke

As I was taking a walk with my daughter one day, I noticed something green in her hair.   To my disbelief I pulled out a piece of lettuce from her hair.  “Whoa!” she exclaimed, “is there anything else in there?”  she asked.  “Oh no!” I joked.  “That was just the tip of the Iceberg!”

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Posted in Funny Puns

Toilet Brush Joke

Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. “Lizzy!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?”

After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.

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Rating: 3.7/5 (407 votes cast)

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Posted in Clever Jokes, Funny Stories, Life Jokes, Women Jokes
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