A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, “Praise the Lord.” This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, “there is no Lord.” One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch. The next morning the lady screamed, “praise the Lord, who gave me this food.” The neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed “it wasn’t the Lord, it was me.” The lady without missing a beat screamed “praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!“
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Enjoy our collection of really funny jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!
The Annoying Duck Joke
A duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “do you have any grapes?” “Nope” responded the bartender, “try somewhere else.” The duck walks out and back in, “do you sell grapes?” “I told you already I don’t” responded the bartender, “stop bothering me.” The duck walks back out and then back in again, “stop right where you are” the bartender screams “you ask me again if I have grapes I will take a hammer and nail your feet to the floor.” The duck walks out and then back in again, “do you sell nails?” he asks “No” responded the bartender.” “Do you sell grapes????“
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Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes
Good Men Are Hard To Find!
A lady rubbed a bottle and a genie popped out. “You have one wish” said the genie. “Hey” countered the lady “I thought I get three wishes?” “Not from me” said the genie “I’m not that powerful.” “OK” responded the lady taking out a map, “I am making a wish for peace between this country……… .” “I’m really sorry” said the genie, “but I am not powerful enough for that.” “That’s fine” said the lady, “instead I would like to find a cool, caring man, who loves children, and cooking.” The genie sighed and said “alright….. let me see that map again.”
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It’s Never Too Late
Two oldies got engaged, and as they were strolling down the street excitedly planning there wedding they passed a drugstore. “Excuse me” the man said to the clerk, “Do you sell medicine for memory problems?” “Sure” replied the clerk “all kinds.” “How about for arthritis?” “Yup” replied the clerk. “Wheelchairs, walkers, adult diapers?” “Yeah”, replied the clerk, all kinds. “OK excellent” said the man “because we are getting married next month, and we want to use you as our Bridal Registry.” -Azi Deutch
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Posted in Long Jokes, Old People Jokes
The Real Secret To A Happy Marriage
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow” the leader gushed “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay married to the same woman for so long. “Well,” Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips…………. and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” “Well that’s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us” the lady said “maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary” she said with a smile “Well” Jerry said “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.”
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Posted in Husband Jokes, Long Jokes
Used Clothing Joke
Always trying to save money, I often buy clothing for my kids from the garage sales. Recently, I purchased a new shirt from JC Penny for my 6 year old and was wondering why she was reluctant to wear it the next day. After asking her she responded,
“Oh, the store has their own washing machine… that’s why we don’t have to wash it first?!”
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Cereal Box Joke
One morning I saw my husband in the pantry trying to decide between two different types of cereals. “Maybe you should take half a bowl of each”, I said jokingly. “Wow,” he said with a smile, “you really thing out of the box“
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