I have a fear of speed bumps,
But I’m slowly getting over it.
1. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
Runs in our jeans.
2. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor guy.
3. I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.
4. Why did the scarecrow get a raise?
He was outstanding in his field.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my Word.
7. My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.
8. What do you call a woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A tattoo.
9. I called a psychic once. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up.
10. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
As I was taking a walk with my daughter one day, I noticed something green in her hair. Â To my disbelief I pulled out a piece of lettuce from her hair. Â “Whoa!” she exclaimed, “is there anything else in there?” Â she asked. Â “Oh no!” I joked. Â “That was just the tip of the Iceberg!”
Q. What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?
A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.