John  gingerly walked up to the sales lady in the clothing store “I would like to buy my wife a pretty pink scarf. ” “How cute” exclaimed the sales lady,  “sounds like it’s going to be a great surprise.” “It sure is” said John “she’s expecting a new car!”
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Enjoy our collection of husband jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!
A Husband Is Like A Bar Of Soap
In an effort to make our site more interactive we ask people to please add a line in the comment space. The top ten additions will be posted as part of the joke, the rest will be kept as comments. Enjoy!
A Husband Is Like A Bar Of Soap…………
1. A husband is like a bar of soap if you know how to use them they will help you clean if not they will slip away…
– A.D.E.
2. A husband is like a bar of soap, smells great, until you take a bite into it! – Sandy Green
3. A husband is like a bar of soap, smells great, but you have to be careful he doesn’t slip through your fingers.
– Maria Smith
4. Because they both slip away when overworked….., a husband however will always return for supper. – A. Scor
5. Because they are both small. (Note: This only applies if your husband is small.) – C. Smith
6. If you step on him, he’ll slip away and you’ll fall. – Jack Levin
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Posted in Husband Jokes
Death Preparation Joke
Barry and Hannah, an old married couple,  are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death etc. “Honey,” says Barry, turning to his wife with a serious expression, “I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to  put an end to it.” “No problem hun,” said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain.
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Flower Joke
Harry and Barbra’s marriage has been on the rocks for a while, so when they hear about a marriage seminar being given in their neighborhood they decide to attend. “One of the most important things in marriage”, said the speaker, “is to get to really know your spouse well. For example,” continued the speaker, “How many of you know what’s your wife’s favorite type of flower?” Harry leaned over to Barbara and whispered, “it’s gold medal all-purpose flour isn’t it?”
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Marriage Sports
A newly married couple went fishing on their vacation. Afterwards the wife’s mother asked her how it went. “Oh, it was terrible, everything went wrong, we overslept, and then we got a flat tire, and the worst part was that I caught more fish than he did!
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Posted in Husband Jokes, Sports Jokes
The Real Secret To A Happy Marriage
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow” the leader gushed “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay married to the same woman for so long. “Well,” Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips…………. and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” “Well that’s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us” the lady said “maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary” she said with a smile “Well” Jerry said “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.”
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Posted in Husband Jokes, Long Jokes
Can You Hear Me??????
An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “honey whats for supper?”
She replies “For the fourth time it’s lasagna!”
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Posted in Funny Speech Openers, Good Jokes, Husband Jokes, Long Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Old People Jokes
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