“Help!” screamed the hunter into his cell phone “I was trying to shoot a deer and by mistake I killed my partner.” “OK” said the ranger into the phone “try to calm yourself down. First I would like you to make sure he’s dead.” “Ok” said the hunter “hold on one second.” Suddenly BOOM, than the hunter came back on, “yeah he’s dead.”
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Enjoy our collection of life jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!
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Raising Kids Joke
Sandy and Norman were in despair. Their 3 year old son Timmy still had not learned how to talk. Not a word had escaped through those now 3 year old lips. One night at dinner, Timmy took a taste of his pie, and to their utter surprise and amazement, said: “You call this pie? It tastes like some tasteless mush!”. Sandy and Norman sat there in shock, for this was not just their son’s first sentence, but the first words he ever uttered! Once the initial shock had subsided, Norman asked “tell me Timmy, how come you never spoke until now?” “I never had any reason to” explained Timmy. “Everything was always fine.”
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Posted in Food Jokes, People Jokes
Door Bell Joke
Everyone loved Priest John. He was a happy jolly fellow always willing to help or lend a hand. One time John was walking down the street humming a tune when he saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell of a nearby house.  “Hey there sonny†said John “let me help you outâ€, and with that  John reached out and pressed the bell. “Anything else I can do for you,†asked John with a smile. “Yes†said the boy. “Run! We’ve only got a few seconds before they come!â€
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Posted in Cute Jokes, Life Jokes
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Misunderstanding Joke
Jim was in a bad mood, and anyone who got in is way was going to regret it.  Jim walked into his favorite restaurant and plopped himself down on a chair.  “Get me a steak well done with mashed potatoes. ” Three minutes later when his order came, Jim screamed “DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME SAY WELL DONE?!” “Why thank you sir” the waitress smiled,  “that was the first compliment I got all day!”
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Posted in Food Jokes
Traveling Joke
So it was Jim’s first time leaving Europe, he was excited about visiting America and expanding his horizons. “Excuse meâ€, said a woman to him at the airport. “Do you happen to be traveling to America?†“As a matter of fact I am†responded Jim. “Do me a favor, my husband left to America 2 months ago and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. If you meet a fellow named John Dun, tell him to call his wife.†Jim happily complied and was on his way. He was barely in America for a hour when he saw a big building with the words Dun Watches, “Wow!†thought Jim “that was easy.†Jim walked into the building and asked the lady behind the desk “do you have a John here?†“Second door on the left,†was her reply. Jim saw a man walking out of the door drying his hands “are you Dun?†he asked. “Yes†came the mystified reply. “Call your wife,†said Jim, “she’s been waiting to hear from you.â€
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Posted in Life Jokes, Relationship Jokes
Pork Joke
The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy.
After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth.
“Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moments pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!”
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Icy Day Joke
“It was terrible”, moaned John upon entering the classroom a half hour late. “I left with plenty of time to arrive at school on time, but it was so slippery that every step I took, I slipped two steps back.” “Well,” said the teacher, with a suspicious look on his face, “how in the world did you get here at all?†“Wellâ€, said the quick thinking student, “finally after twenty minutes I gave up and started heading home!”
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Posted in Life Jokes
The Crazy House Joke
Frank lived next door to the city crazy house. One day he was happily minding his own business when he heard some chanting coming from next door. “Twenty one, twenty one twenty one..”. After listening for a few minutes curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over to see if he could figure out what it was all about. Nearing the house he spotted a small hole in the wall. Frank bent down and peered through the hole into the house. Suddenly as if out of nowhere, a finger came out of the hole and poked him in the eye. Frank fell back clutching his eye, he than heard the chanting change “twenty two twenty two twenty two….”
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Posted in Life Jokes, People Jokes
A Drink Joke
Sam heard all about the great service in the “Sleep Fine Hotel”, so after dropping his stuff in his room, he excitedly headed down to the hotel lounge. He was only there for a few minutes when a beautifully dressed waitress came over to him. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked. Sam took in a deep breath, looked around at the beautiful lobby and asked “what are my choices?” The woman’s gave Sam a strange look, and responded in an extra loud and slow voice, “yeees or noooo.”
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Posted in Food Jokes
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