So this guy is strolling around the mall with a pencil in each one of his ears. “Excuse me sir”, said an old lady, “you have pencils in your eyes.” “I can’t hear you”, said the guy, “I have pencils in my ears.”
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Rang A Bell Joke
The local church was desperately looking to hire someone to ring the church bell. After over a week of no leads, a fellow shows up asking for the job. The president of the church walks out of his office to interview the job candidate when he notices the man has no arms. “Excuse me sir”, said the president, “but how do you expect to ring the bill without arms?” “Just watch”, said the man confidently, and with that, the man charged toward the bell and banged his face onto it emitting a wonderful loud clang. “Wow” said the president “that was wonderful!” “Agreed” said the secretary coming in “that was simply beautiful.” “Can I see you do it again?” asked the secretary, who missed the first performance. “Sure” said the man, who again charged toward the bell. Unfortunately he tripped on the way and died. “Do we even know his name?” asked the baffled secretary. “I don’t know” answered the president, “but his face sure rang a bell!”
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String Joke
A string walks into a bar. “Excuse me,” he asks “can I please have a drink?” “Nope” replies the bartender “we don’t serve strings.” Upset at the racism the string asks a fellow at the bar to buy him a drink. Seeing this the bartender picks him up and throws him out of the bar. The string walks over to a curb rubs himself against it and ties himself in a knot, then walks back into the bar. “Excuse me, can I please have a drink?” “Aren’t you the string that was just here?” asks the bartender. “No” came the answer, “I’m a frayed knot.”
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