Man – Hey! Can I talk to you?
Women – Me?
Man – Yeah…Just for a minute.
It’s the only way to get my wife to stop shopping.
Strike up a conversation with a pretty lady.

share me!

Wife – I’m only 40 years old but I look like I’m over 55. My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair i stating to thin!

Husband – At least your eyesight seems to still be working fine!

share me!

Wife – Our neighbor Mr. Smith kisses his wife every day before he goes to work how come you never do?

Husband – Honey!? How could I? I don’t even know her!

share me!

Man – This is a citrus grove! Do you have any experience picking lemons?!

Woman – Well…I’ve been divorced four times!

share me!

Teacher – Let me hear you use the word t-o-a-d in a sentence.

Student – I toad my mother to get me a turtle.

share me!

Judge – stealing one can of peaches with 6 peaches in it. I’m going to have to put in jail for six nights! A night for each peach!

Husband – Your honor as her husband, I can tell she also once stole a can of peas!

share me!

Honey! It says here college degree needed or the equivalent.

Finally my eight years of high school are paying off!

share me!

A wallet was found containing a large sum of money with no identification.

Will those laying claim to it please form a DOUBLE LINE at the customer service counter!

share me!