So Joe was once again caught lying to his teacher, and his teacher Mr. Rogers had  enough. “Come here Joe” he said. “Here is your punishment, I want you to make a statement, if it’s true you get detention, if it’s false you get suspended.”
Q. What did the Joe say that caused him not to get punished at all?
A. I will be suspended.
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.
One of them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said: “You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation:
“A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.
We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter.
Later, my father married my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother.
And my father became my stepson.
Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.
Much later, the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father’s son.
But he was also the son of my wife’s daughter which made him my wife’s grandson.
That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.
This was nothing until my wife and I had a son.
Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother.
This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father’s wife, I am my stepmother’s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child’s aunt, my son is my father’s nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!”
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much.
Q. What goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
A. A penguin rolling down a hill.
Q. A man walks into an elevator  presses floor number 1 and goes to work. He comes home from work gets into the elevator and presses number 7. He then walks out of the elevator, and walks up to the 15th floor.Why’d he walk?
A. He’s a midget.
