Nurse – I’m sorry but rules are rules! You can only be discharges in a wheelchair!
On the way out in a wheelchair
Nurse – Is your wife going to be meeting you?
Old Man – I don’t know. She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.
Man – I WAS A FOOL WHEN I MARRIED YOU!’
Wife – I know dear. But I was in love, and I didn’t notice.
Man – Hey! Can I talk to you?
Women – Me?
Man – Yeah…Just for a minute.
It’s the only way to get my wife to stop shopping.
Strike up a conversation with a pretty lady.
Wife – I’m only 40 years old but I look like I’m over 55. My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair i stating to thin!
Husband – At least your eyesight seems to still be working fine!
Wife – Our neighbor Mr. Smith kisses his wife every day before he goes to work how come you never do?
Husband – Honey!? How could I? I don’t even know her!
Man – This is a citrus grove! Do you have any experience picking lemons?!
Woman – Well…I’ve been divorced four times!
Teacher – Let me hear you use the word t-o-a-d in a sentence.
Student – I toad my mother to get me a turtle.
Judge – stealing one can of peaches with 6 peaches in it. I’m going to have to put in jail for six nights! A night for each peach!
Husband – Your honor as her husband, I can tell she also once stole a can of peas!
Honey! It says here college degree needed or the equivalent.
Finally my eight years of high school are paying off!
