Boss wants to reward his employee, but the employee just doesn’t get it! :)

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I always wanted to be the last guy on earth, just to see if those women were lying to me!

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When you start thinking like this it’s time to call it quits! :)

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I’m sick and tires of hearing about what your friends husbands do….

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Does it irk you too when people feel like they just have to give advice?

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Man Screaming Into Phone – I FOUND A SUITCASE WITH A CAT AND FOUR KITTENS IN IT, IN THE FOREST!

Police – That’s terrible! Are they moving?

Man – Honestly I have no idea! But that would definitely explain the suitcase!

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Solicitor – Can I please speak to the master of the house?
Man – Your’e just in time! My wife and I are settling that very question right now!

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Boss – So what would you say is your biggest fault?

Interviewee – Honesty!

Boss – Well that’s great…I think it’s wonderful to always be honest!

Interviewee – I DON”T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK!

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Nurse – His Doctor said he has something called “pholenfrometry?”

Doctor – Hmm, I don’t know it says here “He has fallen from a tree?”

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