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Enjoy our collection of drunk humor, after all that’s what they are here for!!

Nasty Wife Joke

A cop pulled over a car and finds a young couple in the front seat. “Where’s your seat belt young man?” asked the cop. “Oh, I just took if off now when you were walking up to the car”, responded the man. “No you didn’t!” exclaimed his wife, “you never wear your seat belt!”. A little taken aback, the cop asked to see his license. “Aw shucks!” cried the man, “I must have left it home!” “Yeah right!” screamed his wife, “You know it expired 3 months ago!” At a loss for words, the cop asked the woman “are you always so tough on him?!” “No” responded the young woman, “only when he had too much to drink!”.

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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Wife Jokes

Parrot Joke

So this Chinese fellow walks into a bar with a huge colorful parrot on his shoulder. “Wow”, says the bartender, “where did you get that from?” “From China”, answered the parrot, “they’ve got tons of them there!”

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Posted in Bar Jokes

Walk The Line Joke

A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns on his siren and pulls the guy over. “Alright,” says the cop, when the man gets out of the car. “Walk in a straight line.” “I’d be happy to,” says the drunk “just stop moving the stupid line.”

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Rating: 4.0/5 (193 votes cast)

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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Police Jokes
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Crazy Drunk Joke

Jeff was fast asleep in his at bed at 3:00 am when he heard an urgent knocking at the door. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he made his way to the door. “Can you give me a push”, asked the man at the door.” Jeff looked at the man, thinking he looked a bit drunk, slammed the door in his face and went back to bed. “Shame on you”, said his wife Sally, when hearing the story. “You remember on our vacation how our car got stuck in the middle of the night and that man helped us, go out there and push his car.” So Jeff trudges back out of bed, opens the door, and calls out “Ok I’m here to give you a push, where are you?” I’m over here in the back” came the voice “on the swing.”

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Rating: 3.6/5 (203 votes cast)

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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Funny Stories

Funny Throwing Up Video

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Rating: 3.1/5 (44 votes cast)

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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Funny Videos

Cold Turkey Joke

Lady – “So do you drink?”
Man – “I used to drink a lot, but I quit cold turkey.
Lady – “Wow, that must take a lot of self control.”
Man – “Well I found out I was allergic to it, every time I drank I broke out in handcuffs.”

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Rating: 3.3/5 (93 votes cast)

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Posted in Beer Jokes, Drunk Jokes

Drunk Driving Joke

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a  breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”

“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”

“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

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Rating: 4.1/5 (825 votes cast)

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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Funny Stories, Long Jokes, Police Jokes

Mushroom Bar Joke

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender tells him to get out.
The mushroom says, “why? I’m a fun-guy.”

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Rating: 2.8/5 (142 votes cast)

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Posted in Bar Jokes

Ice Cream Joke

A drunk man walks out of a bar and sees an ambulance speeding down the street with it’s sirens blaring. The drunk man dashes  after the ambulance at full speed, finally collapsing on the floor, two blocks later. The man then looks at the ambulance speeding away, and screams on the top of his lungs, “I don’t care, keep your  stupid ice cream.”

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Rating: 3.4/5 (73 votes cast)

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Posted in Drunk Jokes

Ouch Joke

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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Rating: 3.1/5 (88 votes cast)

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Posted in Bar Jokes
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