Jeff was fast asleep in his at bed at 3:00 am when he heard an urgent knocking at the door. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he made his way to the door. “Can you give me a pushâ€, asked the man at the door.†Jeff looked at the man, thinking he looked a bit drunk, slammed the door in his face and went back to bed. “Shame on youâ€, said his wife Sally, when hearing the story. “You remember on our vacation how our car got stuck in the middle of the night and that man helped us, go out there and push his car.†So Jeff trudges back out of bed, opens the door, and calls out “Ok I’m here to give you a push, where are you?†I’m over here in the back†came the voice “on the swing.â€
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The story is told of a drunkard whose kids, intent on showing their father the loathsomeness of drinking, took their father when he was sober to a man plastered on the street. The father upon seeing the man crept next to him”man,” he said with a sigh of pleasure “you really got boozed what did you drink?”
So whether you are from the people who see the “beauty” of drinking, or from the people who think it’s detestable you are guaranteed to enjoy our drunk jokes.
photo credit: Manish Prabhune(マニッシュ)
Cold Turkey Joke
Lady – “So do you drink?â€
Man – “I used to drink a lot, but I quit cold turkey.
Lady – “Wow, that must take a lot of self control.â€
Man – “Well I found out I was allergic to it, every time I drank I broke out in handcuffs.â€
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Posted in Beer Jokes, Drunk Jokes
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Ice Cream Joke
A drunk man walks out of a bar and sees an ambulance speeding down the street with it’s sirens blaring. The drunk man dashes  after the ambulance at full speed, finally collapsing on the floor, two blocks later. The man then looks at the ambulance speeding away, and screams on the top of his lungs, “I don’t care, keep your  stupid ice cream.”
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Posted in Drunk Jokes
One Tracked Mind
A drunk man was in front of a judge. The judge says, ‘ Sir you’ve been brought here for drinking.’
The drunk says: ‘Okay, let’s get started.’
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Posted in Drunk Jokes
The Confused Drunk
A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.”
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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Long Jokes
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